


Something New

by orphan_account



Series: All Because of a Simple Question [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 20 day writing challenge for myself, Aged-Up Character(s), An OC - Freeform, Anxiety, Daichi shows up, Fluff and Angst, Kinda?, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, So does Bokuto, Strangers to Lovers, and implied tsukishima kei, mentioned characters/minor characters include, minor implied homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-20 14:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 12,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9495605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kuroo would've never met Kenma if Daishou didn't finally grow a pair and decide to propose to his girlfriend. Then promptly panic and throw up on Kuroo's best leather Oxfords.A brief lapse in judgement convinced me to try to write a chapter a day as part of a writing exercise.UPDATE: Undergoing revision. Will be reuploaded once the new version is complete.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This deals with implied anxiety disorder and homophobia. If you are sensitive to that, please read with discretion. Both topics are very important to me, so I hope I do not cause any offense *bows*.

"But what if she says no?"

Kuroo held back a sigh. He tapped his foot impatiently. "Dude. You bought a ten thousand dollar ring, ordered enough roses to make the florist jealous, got everyone who matters to both of you to give they're blessings and now they are all sitting in the other room. Besides, we've been over this-"

"Oh my god she is too good for me I mean have you seen her? And her brother will kill me because he seems to be the only one sane enough to realise I am an unworthy heathen in the presence of a goddess-" Daishou babbled, undoing and redid his tie for the millionth time. His complexion was somewhere between 'I'm choking on my own saliva' red and 'I will throw up all the contents of my stomach and then also my stomach' yellow.

"Yes I agree that I don't know why she puts up with a bastard, good for nothing, two-faced diplomat like you but you two LITERALLY have talked about getting married before. Like, she asked me if it was possible to manage the hypothetical drinks for her hypoyhetical bachlerotte party before your stupid soon-to-be not hypothetical wedding and also cater said stupid soon-to-be not hypothetical wedding." Kuroo reminded Daishou. His infuriating childhood frienemy was good at tricking the general public into thinking he was a suave, manipulative snake, but when it came to his girlfriend? The poor shithead collapsed into a puddle.

"But-"

"SUGURU. MIKA-CHAN IS ARRIVING IN LESS THAN TEN FUCKING MINUTES SO STOP BEING A SHITHEAD AND GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER." Kuroo shouted, shoving Daishou against the wall. Kuroo was a patient guy, he really was. But this had been going on for way. Too. Long.

It was silent for a while, Kuroo out of breath and Daishou stunned silent. Then he smiled, an evil glint in his eyes. "Gross, did you just call me Suguru?"

"Of course, I can't call both you AND Mika-chan Daishou after all." Kuroo shot back, punching Daishou in the arm without holding back. "Now get back up there and make sure you don't crap your pants in front of Mika-chan's friends and family."

"Okay, fine, but just so we're clear, you aren't my friend. Fuckhead." Daishou smiled, not unkindly.

"Yeah, don't want to ruin my reputation. Asshat." Kuroo snorted, "I'll make sure to clarify when I'm giving the speech as your best man, you friendless loser."

There was an immensely uncomfortable moment of peace before the door to the bathroom opened. It was Daishou's dad, and he looked brimming with excitement. "She's here."

It was stuffy, being crammed in the staff lounge. Now, Kuroo prided himself in being a good employer. The place was decked out with nice couches and a TV and everything, but having a room full of people with too much emotion? Ugh. He kept to himself, eyeing the crowd. There were Daishou's parents and Mika's parents and siblings, chatting nervously by the window...then was Mika's best friend. He strolled over to the girl, and she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Kuroo, what's up?" Kana cooed, flirtatious air barely concealed. She was just as attractive as always: pretty, small, and smelled like flowers. Kuroo smiled easily. To much at risk if he stepped on that landmine; he had a policy of not hooking up with people he cared about. It got messy. But he could entertain the thought of a serious relationship. Especially with Kana.

They chatted for a while: about Daishou, about Mika, about work, etc, etc. It was easy. Being with Kana was easy. After twenty minutes or so, Daishou returned, leaning on the shoulder of a girl Kuroo's never seen before.

The girl looked up and-oh. Kuroo swallowed. It was a guy. He had straight, bleach-blonde hair with brown roots showing, as if he couldn't be bothered to dye it. It fell in front of his slanted, cat-like eyes which seemed to turn to liquid gold in the warm light. Cat-like was a good way to describe him. Everything from his delicate, pointed features and small pink lips to the way he walked had a kind of feline grace that Kuroo couldn't look away from. People started to approach the two, but Kuroo reached them first. "Hey man, are you okay?"

Daishou didn't reply, but Mika popped her head in through the doorway. She smiled sheepishly and held up her hand, which now sported a gold ring with a tastefully sized diamond. Everyone started cheering, and Daishou took that as his cue to throw up all over Kuroo's eight hundred dollar leather Oxford's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter!
> 
> Constructive criticism and comments are always greatly appreciated, thanks for reading!
> 
> (This is my second time editing the end notes because ???? I am not very good with technology because I can't millenial *shrug*)


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo likes luxury but cheap bath slippers are fine too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, this was written today, and chapter one was written yesterday. Didn't publish them until now, so double chapter! *throws paper into the air*

"Thanks," Daishou mumbled gratefully as Kuroo handed him a clean dress shirt. "and uh...sorry about your shoes."

Kuroo snorted, "You didn't apologise when you managed to break my prized bottle of 1990 Bertani Aramone, you bought me a new one whilst breaking your wallet. I'd expect you to do that again, but instead I just won't get you a wedding gift, deal?"

"Sounds good," Daishou smiled weakly. The pretty boy from earlier came in with his arms full of mouthwash, a thermos of water, and a pair of slippers. 

"For you." He said in a small, soft voice, setting the slippers down at Kuroo's feet. "Sorry, I couldn't find-"

Kuroo beamed at him. "Not at all, these are wonderful, thanks..."

"Oh, Kenma Kozume." Daishou said. "Kenma, this is Kuroo Tetsuroo, I believe Mika told you about him?"

Kenma nodded, bowing slightly. "I will make sure to not trouble you."

Kuroo shot a suspicious look at his friend. "Daishou..."

He smiled meekly. "Um, yeah. So I'll be moving in with Mika, and Kenma is HER housemate so..."

Kuroo sighed, trying not to punch Daishou infront of the pretty boy who now had an equally adorable voice and name. "Right. Okay, sounds good."

"I...I don't want to cause you any trouble." Kenma bit his bottom lip. His eyebrows furrowed almost unnoticeably, and Kuroo noted how he was shivering ever so slightly. He cursed himself for making Kenma uncomfortable. Way to make a good impression.

"Don't get me wrong." Kuroo forced Kenma to look in his eyes and he smiled warmly. "I am more than happy to get to know you, Kenma. I'm just a little annoyed that Daishou didn't inform me of this detail earlier so I could clean."

"I don't want to cause you any trouble." Kenma repeated in an even softer voice than before.

"You never clean." Daishou said incredulously and received the appropriate jab under his ribs.

The faintest shadow of a smile that flickered across Kenma's face made Kuroo forget all about Daishou's vomit that now stained his favourite pair of shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to alternate points of view, but I was unsatisfied with the way I write "as Kenma". That's something to work on!


	3. 3

"Well, that's the last of it." Kuroo sighed, setting down a box of computer parts on the floor of Daishou's old bedroom. "I cannot believe that idiot."

Kenma hid his face behind a curtain of hair. "Sorry."

Kuroo blinked, startled. "Huh? Oh, don't apologise, Kenma. I was talking about Daishou. Bailing to go to a board meeting or whatever."

"We are more than happy to help you." Mika assured, emerging from the bathroom, a mop in hand. "Right. Kuroo?"

"Of course! I already like Kenma WAY better than Daishou." Kuroo exclaimed defensively, throwing a towel at her playfully. He noticed the way Kenma's shoulders relaxed slightly, and how he finally looked up and met Kuroo's eyes. In the bright morning light they appeared more amber, with flecks of trapped sunlight. Kuroo stared dumbly. He wondered if anything so beautiful was allowed to exist.

"I'll go make tea. And Kuroo, you like black coffee, yes?" Kenma said simply, leaving the room after Kuroo gave a thumbs up.

"He's beautiful." Kuroo murmured, watching him go.

Mika frowned in confusion. "Kozume-kun? I guess he is pretty average..."

Kuroo's eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Um...I mean, I guess he is cute? Oh, thanks again, Kuroo. I know it may be hard to understand Kozume-kun, he isn't very expressive, and has a hard time making friends because of that, but he is a really good kid." Mika explained. 

Kuroo tilted his head to one side in confusion. Not very expressive? He could watch Kenma Kozume all day and not get bored (God did that make him sound creepy? Kuroo hated it when he came off creepy.) so he couldn't really understand what she meant. "So how did you end up living with him?"

"Oh..." Her eyes dropped to the ground. "Well, you already know we work in the same game development team. Some things happened...you have to realise that not everyone is as willing to get to know someone as you are, Kuroo."

"I see." Kuroo replied immediately. Kenma Kozume could prove to be more than just a really, really, really pretty face.

Kenma didn't talk much after Mika left. Kuroo tried to start conversations. What do you do for a living? Programming. How long have you known Mika? Since college. Do you like this place? It's nice. Kenma kept his face blank and his eyes were uncaring. Eventually, Kuroo took the hint and retreated to his room. 

At three Kuroo left to go open the restaurant. Kenma nodded in acknowledgement when Kuroo popped by his room. He was perched at his desk surrounded by drawings and diagrams in front of three computer screens, furiously clicking away on the keyboard while lines of code popped up on one of the screens. On the other two seemed to be a eight-way Skype call. 

Kuroo came back to find Kenma in the same spot. It was around two in the morning. "Hey, Kenma. Want to join me for dinner?"

"I already ate." Kenma replied simply, not turning around. Kuroo noticed how thin he really was, even for such a small person. He noticed how all the garbage cans in the apartment were still as empty as he had left them that afternoon, and how nothing was missing from the refrigerator. 

Kuroo came back with a bowl of miso soup, some side dishes, and a leftover slice of apple pie. "Kenma, I hope you will eat. It isn't good to work endlessly without rest, okay?"

This time, Kenma turned around and stared at him. In the dark with the blueish hue of the light from the computer monitor, his eyes were a bright yellow. He regarded Kuroo with his head ever-so slightly tilted to one side in confusion. Kuroo noted how prominent his collarbone was, and how his fair skin was almost translucent. Finally, he nodded. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo being observant is my asthetic.


	4. 4

After work, Kuroo went out clubbing with Bokuto and Oikawa like he usually did Saturday evening. This was normally his scene. The bouncer gave them both high fives and the DJ waved at them after seeing them enter. Oikawa didn't screw around with anyone (he had a strict no-hookup policy), but mingled like the social butterfly he tried very hard to pretend to be. Bokuto headed to the bar to flirt with the cute bartender he had been crushing on since forever. 

Kuroo found himself thinking about Kenma, sitting at home, working away on his computer. Several girls and a couple guys tried to pick him up, but Kuroo waved them of. He wasn't in the mood.

"What's wrong with you?" Oikawa shouted over the music, dancing over to him. His handsome face with sweat, eyes wide from adrenaline. "That last guy was a total 10!"

Kuroo shrugged. The man indeed was attractive. Tall, blonde, and wearing a stylish pair of glasses and a disinterested expression. 

Here's the thing: Kuroo was aware how others saw him too: 6 feet of confidence and swagger, with tattered black clothing hanging loosely on a lean, muscular frame and a permanent smirk on his face. He liked being hit on because it was validating, and he liked hooking up with people because, well, it felt good. But today he was wondering if the music was always this loud and if the club always smelled like smoke and cheap perfume. Kuroo shook his head. This wasn't like him. He shot a wicked grin at Oikawa, and then turned to lick his lips while making eye contact with the guy he just rejected. "I like playing with my mice."

Bokuto wandered over with a grin on his face as well. "You're one fucked up cat, Bedhead."

The next morning Kuroo made the guy breakfast while he was still asleep and left before he woke up. 

He returned home and peeked into Kenma's room to see him asleep at the desk, the plates empty. There was a little thank you note. At the time Kuroo didn't realise how hopelessly wide his smile was.


	5. 5

Kuroo made sure Kenma ate. He never let the smaller man sneak off to work in the morning without having breakfast together (Kenma wasn't a morning person so Kuroo always was able to get a light breakfast ready in time) and at night he left out a plate with instructions to microwave it. 

Once, he had caught Kenma gazing at the food, then the garbage can, then back at the food. He eventually ate it all, but headed to the washroom soon after. 

Kuroo felt like an asshole.

Then he changed it up. It took a while, but by asking Mika and by watching Kenma he figured it out. No super oily food or large chunks of red meat. Fish was okay. Miso was okay. Apple pie more than okay. Hotpot was good. Leek was okay. Kuroo began keeping a list. Even though Kenma was eating far less than he should, Kuroo was okay with it. Kenma worked ten hours a day and when he came home he often continued to do so. He liked coffee, but with a lot of cream and sugar.

Recently, Kenma had been freely joining Kuroo without being asked to. Sometimes he would appear at the counter and simply watch as Kuroo cooked. They still didn't talk much, but Kenma's presence became a pleasant thing that Kuroo grew to expect when he was preparing food.

Sometimes Kenma wouldn't eat, but Kuroo never forced him to. Those times grew less frequent though.

At the end of the first month, Kenma handed him a check. Kuroo stared at it, confused. "What is this for?"

"I've been taken care of by you." Kenma whispered, brushing away stray strands of hair. "This is for the food-"

"Nope." Kuroo pressed it back into Kenma's hands. They were cold, and shivering. Kenma was always shivering. "Kenma, I'm doing this because I want to. I-"

"No." Kenma shook his head, furiously. His voice cracked. "Just...take it. Please."

And so Kuroo did. What else could he do?


	6. 6

He saw Kenma crouching on their balcony. 

It was the dead of winter outside, but Kenma didn't seem to notice, in his t-shirt and sweatpants. Kuroo rushed out with his ski jacket and draped it over Kenma's shoulders. Only then did he realise that Kenma looked as if he couldn't breathe and was in extreme pain. His eyes were a dull yellow, fogged over with hurt. Kuroo was blinded by panic, fumbling with his phone to call for an ambulance, but a small, shaky hand reached out to stop him. Kenma's eyes were clear again, although he seemed tired. Really, really tired. 

Kuroo slowly helped Kenma up and back inside.

He stayed there, by Kenma's side, staring at his hands, wondering if there was a recipe out there that he could follow to fix this situation as easily as he could fix a too-salty broth.

"Do you..." Kuroo paused cautiously. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kenma shook his head. "I'm okay. Just wanted some air."

Kuroo frowned. "Alright. Would you like something to drink?"

Kenma turned to look at Kuroo. His eyes were still very tired, and his cheeks were pink from the warmth of the room in contrast with the cold. "I..."

"Go take a hot shower." Kuroo urged. "I'll make us some hot chocolate. We can play a game. Any game you'd like. Or watch something. Or just go to sleep. You need rest-"

"I'll do that..." Kenma replied cautiously. "Sorry."

Kuroo shook his head. "Don't apologise."

Kenma took a shaking breath in. Then out. He bit his lip, and Kuroo noticed how sharp and how white his teeth were. He noticed the way Kenma's eyelashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks and how his eyes seemed to grow warmer, how they seemed to defrost. Kuroo suddenly couldn't breathe.

"Then...thank you. Hot chocolate sounds nice." Kenma smiled tentatively. "And...yes, I'd like to watch a movie."

"Great!" Kuroo exclaimed. Too sudden. Too loud. Too desperate. Too relieved. And his voice cracked. His hands were shaking. Kuroo tried to hide his shallow breths and joy. Kenma was okay. He was okay. "Oikawa left his DVD of 'The Intergalactic Potato Farmer' here-"

Kenma snorted. Even his snort was cute. But Kuroo had no time to dwell on that. He was just glad Kenma seemed more alive than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is difficult to write what I want to sometimes. 
> 
> This was shorter than usual, but writing 20 days in a row with ongoing exams wasn't quite the best idea!


	7. 7

"Hey, Tetsuroo! There is a party at my place tonight, come on over!" Kana called. "We're gonna plan the bachlorette party."

Kuroo barely processed her words. He was to fixated on the call itself. How long has it been since he last partied? Got drunk? Had a one night stand? Kuroo frowned. When was the last time he talked to Kana? "Sounds great, I'll be there."

"See you at ten then!"

After hanging up, he sprawled across the couch. Staring at the white ceiling. Was he getting old? He rolled over and grabbed a video game from the coffee table. His eyes lit up: The Mask Maker was a masterpiece. It was developed by the bigwig company that Mika worked for, so she got him a free copy. Although it didn't do as well as any of the shooters or MOBAs they developed, it became a cult classic. He looked over to Kenma's door, which was closed. He knocked, and after a while Kenma opened it, cautiously. Kuroo held up the game. "Wanna play? It needs two players."

Kenma opened the door wider. His eyes seemed to sparkle a little. "You...like it?"

Kuroo's grin was almost scarily wide. When he liked something, he was obsessed, and this game was no exception. "I LOVE it. The story, visuals, controls...everything is so beautiful, not to mention that I bawled my eyes out at the ending...oh crap wait forget I said that, but it is a true work of genius. I was heartbroken that it didn't get a sequel...and-sorry, I don't mean to gush, and it isn't even because Mika worked on it, I am not just trying to be supportive-" Kuroo stopped talking. "Wait. Mika worked on it so..." 

Kenma nodded, letting hair fall in front of his face, not before Kuroo caught sight of his faint blush. "I did too. It was my first project."

Kuroo's heart pounded wildly. "Shit. I must seem like the lamest fanboy. Sorry, geez, okay. Um...well, we can play something else, I'm sure that you....er....man, I just embarrassed myself didn't I? Sorry, that must be offputting-"

"No!" Kenma's small hand grabbed the corner of Kuroo's sleeve and he felt like he would faint at the sight of the expression on Kenma's face. His eyes were ablaze, cheeks flushed, and his mouth was curved into a small smile. "I...thank you. For liking it."

Kuroo's mouth was dry. "Thank you for making it."

Kenma pulled his hand back and hid behind his hair again. Every word seemed to pain him. "Can...can we play something else though? It's kind of embarrassing. For me."

Kuroo was going to die, his heart couldn't take this much battering. "Sure, anything."

The way Kenma was so focused on Mario Kart was extremely adorable. He made little frustrated noises when Kuroo won, and scrunched his nose in concentration during turns while leaning slightly in that direction. And when he won, the satisfaction was almost tangible. Kuroo wished he could just watch Kenma play, but then he would get upset (or, his version of upset which was a shadow of a frown) and accuse Kuroo of going easy on him.

Later that evening Kenma had fallen asleep with his head resting on Kuroo's shoulder. Kuroo watched as his chest rose and fell, listening to the tiny sound of his breath leaving in a puff of air from his mouth, which formed a perfect 'o' as he exhaled. Kuroo didn't want to move. He checked the time, and sent a quick text to Kana saying that something came up and he wouldn't be able to make it.

He hadn't been so willing to miss a party before.


	8. 8

Kenma started avoiding Kuroo after that and it drove him nuts.

He tried to get Kenma to play video games with him. Kenma murmured something about a new game under the last stages development and disappeared into his room. Some nights he didn't come home, and when Kuroo texted to ask why, Kenma said he was staying at work. The only reassuring part was when Kuroo asked if he was eating properly, Kenma sent a picture of onigiri and ramen. Not the best, but it was something.

"I don't get it! I made so much progress." Kuroo wailed. Kenma was apparently staying overnight at the workplace for the third time that month as his team approached a deadline. Mika confirmed that it was true, but that didn't make Kuroo feel any less rejected.

"What happened to suave casanova Kuroo Tetsuroo?" Oikawa raised an eyebrow, pouring him a glass of wine. Kuroo wrinkled his nose at it. 

"Dude, more of this crappy stuff? We've had two bottles already."

"That's the point. I get you wasted. You get me tastefully drunk. We are at my place, so my rules." Oikawa leaned back on his recliner like some therapist. "So, you're infatuated with this...Kenma? Not very catchy I'm going to call him Ken-chan."

Kuroo downed the terrible white wine in one gulp. "It isn't that I am infatuated it's..."

"Because the Kuroo *I* know doesn't angst. He gets things done." He snapped his fingers. "The Kuroo *I* know doesn't turn down a perfectly hot Kana-chan to play the Mask Maker. He puts aside his nerdy, nerdy hobbies to party with yours truly. He doesn't call finally getting someone to talk to him properly 'progress'. You haven't gone to a single club in two months."

"I know!" Kuroo exclaimed miserably. "It is just...I don't know, Kenma is just...he reminds me of how you were two years ago, you know? But much, much cuter and more likeable."

That seemed to make Oikawa freeze. His eyes narrowed with thought. His had drifted unconciously to his left knee. "Me two years ago? That was before Dr. Nijimura."

"Exactly." Kuroo nodded. "I can't leave him alone. I don't...even if I don't really understand, I want to make sure he is okay. But now he is avoiding me!"

Oikawa poured him another glass. He seemed...almost sad. "Okay. I can think of two possibilities. One is that you are seriously grossing him out. Two is he is scared. He can't understand why you are being so nice to him, because he doesn't think he is worthy of it. He thinks he can't be helped and can't be loved. He doesn't want you to hate him, so even if it means avoiding you, as long as the proximity is there, he will do it."

Kuroo drank all the crappy wine, ignoring the protest of his taste buds. He wanted to drown that lump in his throat. "Damn."

"Yeah," Oikawa emptied the bottle. "But there is something else you need to consider. Are you doing this purely out of kindness? Pity? Figure out your intentions, or you may hurt him instead of being helpful."

Kuroo's thoughts were becoming muddled. His eyes were closing. "Oikawa?" His speech was slurred.

"Yeah?"

"Dont...hate you." Kuroo mumbled before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #foreshadowingdundundun


	9. 9

The next morning Kuroo woke up with a really bad headache, called in sick to his own restaurant and went back to sleep. 

That evening he woke up to find Kenma peering down at him. His headache was almost nonexistent, but his heart was threatening to leap out of his chest. There was no WAY anyone could still be so beautiful up close. Was this guy some sort of demon?

"Tooru brought you back. Stay there, I'll get you some coffee."

"Thanks." Okay, maybe an angel. Kuroo sat up, groggy and disoriented. This is what he gets for not drinking in such large quantities regularly. His body remembers that it isn't actually a healthy thing to do. His liver likes good wine, not that stuff that comes out of a box from the local liqueur store.

Kenma came back in a few minutes. The coffee was really good. Kenma was frowning. Kuroo squinted because really, what colour were his eyes? Then, his gaze wandered, noting the slight pout of Kenma's lips, the way he clasped his hands so tightly his knuckles were white and how he was shaking again. "Don't do that." Kenma muttered, looking down at his lap. "Don't drink too much."

Kuroo knew he wasn't referring to the coffee. An overwhelming feeling of guilt hit him like a semi-truck. "Sorry." Kenma met his eyes, seemingly searching for something. Whatever he saw seemed to satisfy him. He nodded and was about to leave, but Kuroo gently placed a hand on his. He knew better than to act rashly, but Kuroo felt an irrational desperation. "Sorry." Kuroo repeated. "Sorry, Kenma. Please, don't go."

Kenma sat back down at the edge of the bed, back to Kuroo. "Why? You, and Mika...why do you both..."

*"He can't understand why you are being so nice to him, because he doesn't think he is worthy of it..."*

"You are amazing." Kuroo whispered hoarsely.

Kenma didn't turn around. "I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Both Mika and I-"

"Sometimes I can't get out of bed. I am afraid, and can't go out. Sometimes I can't even eat." Kenma's smooth voice was quivering, ever so slightly. He sounded so confused and hurt it tore Kuroo to shreds. "I'm not good with people. I wish you'd all stop."

Kuroo wasn't sure if it was the hangover making him talk, or that slight fever that was making him dizzy, but-was Kenma crying? The other man's slender shoulders were shuddering and Kuroo heard a muffled sniffing. His heard felt like it was being stabbed with thousands of needles and his voice got stuck. No. Don't cry, please, don't cry. Please. You can't cry, never you. He found his voice and couldn't keep the desperation from flooding his words. "I'll give you all the space and time you need, and anything else. Just let me be here, with you. You...you can eat with me, right? This is selfish but...I-I'm not asking for you to be good with all people just-" Kuroo's voice cracked. "just be good with me. No matter how long it takes, you are worth the wait."

Kenma's back hunched over, and he began to sob loudly, louder than he ever spoke.


	10. 10

Kenma stared at the lanterns. "The Kotoamatsukami must've been tired."

"What?" 

"To program reality. They were the first gods, and had to do all the work." It was difficult to hear Kenma over the sound of the festivities. Booths of fried food and other vendors lined the temple path, strings of red lanterns casting a warm, dreamlike glow on everything. "They must've gotten tired. Programmed AI to do the rest of the work for them and went to sleep."

"Do you think they'll wake up?" Kuroo asked, reaching out, then pulling back.

Kenma shrugged, nibbling on his takoyaki. "Maybe."

Kuroo watched children in yukatas run around joyfully, arms full of goodies like food and toys and plastic bags of goldfish. He wondered what having that kind of childhood was like. Having such a blissful youth that they have the luxury of not remembering it at his age. Kuroo shook his head. "Do you think they will like what their program has become?"

Kenma glanced up at Kuroo thoughtfully. His eyes glowed red and orange, reflecting the lanterns. "Maybe not. they created it, but it doesn't belong to to them, since they freely abandoned it. They hid. Maybe they just want to leave it all behind. For good."

They walked a bit more, before Kenma stopped at a goldfish scooping station. Kuroo looked down at the hundreds of orange, white, and black fish, swimming around the pale blue tub. "I went to a festival once when I was seven. Snuck out at night by myself. I got a goldfish. It died a week later. Since then, I have been to many festival and caught many goldfish." Kuroo shook his head. "They all die soon after I bring them home. I don't know why I keep trying."

He watched as Kenma slowly took a step forward, paying the old man before swiftly scooping out a single black goldfish. He watched as Kenma held the plastic bag with both hands, holding it close to his chest. He watched as the goldfish swam around in circles, its scales reflecting the lanterns and it's fins turning translucent as the sky lit up with fireworks. They were torn in places, but the goldfish just kept swimming on in circles.

Kuroo felt like crying.

"What will you name it?"

Kenma thought for a moment, then turned to face Kuroo with fire in his eyes. "Amenominakanushi."

"Kenma, that's too long." Kuroo couldn't stop laughing. Kenma was the only person he knew who would name a fish after the first god and the origin of the universe.

"Then, God." Kenma compromised, his face all scrunched up. Kuroo laughed even harder. They walked for a while more, just soaking in the sights and sounds that all seemed muted, as if Kuroo was underwater. Some time later, Kenma spoke quietly, "Keep trying."

Kenma bought a nice fish tank and all the required items the next morning, and the fish named God lived on his desk from then onwards. Kenma was surprisingly good at fish care, considering he could barely remember to feed himself. It was as if he were trying to prove something to Kuroo, holding on to it like it was something precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway there!
> 
> I am fond of metaphors.


	11. 11

They decided to buy apple pie, as a celebratory dessert for the finishing of Kenma and Mika's newest game finally entering Beta. Mika and Daishou went to buy wine and groceries (Kuroo gave them a list of very specific items that they will no doubt ignore and bring back pizza rolls or something). 

Oikawa was coming too, on Daishou's request. It scared Kuroo how close those two were getting, as if they were plotting something against him. Mika pointed out that it should be her and Kenma who are scared (Kenma nodding solemnly in agreement) now that the "Devil trio" was formed.

Kuroo was miffed that she thought HE was as bad as those two, but once he voiced that concern, Kenma snorted and Mika stared at him like he was a bacteria or something.

The baker seemed to recognise Kenma, offering them both a big smile and immediately reaching for the apple pie. "Nice to see you back! It is fresh out of the oven. Say hi to Mika-san for me!"

"Thank you, Sawamura-san." Kuroo rarely saw such an expression of pure, unsaturated bliss, let alone on Kenma's face. He sized up the baker. Muscular, with broad shoulders, square jaw and a no-nonsense, boring haircut. Not bad looking at all.

Kuroo was still taller. After they left the bakery, he asked, "You know him?"

"Who?" Kenma replied, absent-mindedly. He almost walked into a fire hydrant. It may have been because he was staring at the apple pie. Kuroo frowned. He was no baker, but he had his pride. Why was this one so much better?

"The baker."

"Friend of a friend of Mika's. Makes good pie. And cake. He's doing the wedding cake." Kenma explained, eyes fixed on the box in Kuroo's hands that contained the oh-so important apple pie.

"I see," was all Kuroo said in reply. He made a mental note to ask Mika if Kenma has ever dated anyone. It didn't particularly bother him if Kenma has; he just was curious what type of person someone like Kenma was into.

And whether or not he fit the description.

The expression of pure bliss on Kenma's face made Kuroo melt. He watched as Kenma ate, not caring how silly it was. Kenma eventually looked back, after the last mouthful of his piece of pie. He pursed his small lips, looking at Kuroo's untouched piece. "You didn't eat."

"It was more fun watching you." Kuroo replied without thinking, then instantly ordered his brain to go fuck itself because who the fuck would think saying that was a good idea?

(Kuroo's brain would argue that it didn't think it was a good idea, but at that point Kuroo was giving his brain the silent treatment.)

Kenma seemed unfazed, but was still frowning. The frown soon became that scrunched up face Kuroo was beginning to simultaneously love and fear. He reached over, cut a smaller piece with his fork and lifted it to press against Kuroo's lips. "Eat."

Kuroo almost choked on his own spit. He pressed his lips together. "Hm?"

"You will like it." Kenma stated, voice even. He was acting like this wasn't a big deal, and that just made it even cuter. Kuroo wondered if he may explode from too much cuteness intake at some point. "Say, 'ahh'."

Kuroo knew he had lost. He could never really win against Kenma. The pie was delicious, but that wasn't the reason why he made a mental note to thank Sawamura the baker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, I am planning a Daisuga spin off.


	12. 12

Kuroo didn't like thinking about his nightmares. 

When he lived with Daishou, his friend always openly told him when he screamed in his sleep, or discretely replaced the empty bottles of melatonin supplements in the bathroom. Kuroo had appreciated the delicate balance of privacy and honesty. That night he woke up in cold sweat, Kenma standing in the doorway of his room. 

"You were..." Kenma hesitated. "Are you..."

Kuroo nodded. "Just a nightmare."

Kenma ran into his room and returned with a small machine. Kuroo couldn't see what he was doing, but moments later his ceiling was soaked in twinkling stars. "It was either this or Invasion of the Killer Tomatoes."

Kuroo laughed. "I actually like that movie."

The face Kenma made could stop any killer tomato in its tracks. Kenma didn't leave. Instead, he sat on the beanbag in the corner of the room, tapping away on his phone. "This happened before."

"Yeah."

"What...what did you dream about?" Kenma asked carefully.

Kuroo shook his head. "My childhood."

Kenma nodded, no judgement in his eyes. "Oh."

They sat in silence for a while, and then Kuroo patted the side of his bed, motioning for Kenma to join him. Kenma did so, without showing any signs of discomfort, and Kuroo sighed softly. He was hoping for more of a reaction but more than that, he was glad that he hadn't been rejected.

They lay there, staring up at the artificial stars, and eventually, Kuroo drifted off into deep dreamless sleep to the sound of their hearts beating out of sync.


	13. 13

"Hey Kuroo?" Kenma asked, tugging lightly on his sleeve. Kuroo wondered if Kenma knew how much that single gesture made him want to cry (it was so cute it should be illegal).

"Hm?"

"I made a friend." Kenma's expression didn't change, but Kuroo could hear the cautious glimmer of joy in his voice. "He is coming over, is that okay?"

Kuroo didn't know why he was hesitating. "Really? You're...it's okay?"

Kenma nodded. "Shouyou is different. Like Mika."

[What about me?] Kuroo bit his tongue. "That's great, want me to whip up something?"

"That's okay, you have work."

Kuroo left the apartment with lot's of pent up frustration but he knew that the things he was thinking were ugly, terrible things, so he simply tied them up with string and buried them deep down.

Here's the thing. Kenma was bad with many things, but people was at the top of the list. It took Kuroo two months (and this is seeing Kenma ever day, and living with him) to make him warm up to him. Mika said becoming Kenma's friend is priceless, an honor not to be taken lightly. Kuroo agreed wholeheartedly.

But something had changed.

Oikawa was sometimes over, watching movies with them on Friday nights (he brrought really terrible titles that made Kuroo laugh and Kenma scowl, but they both had fun making fun of Oikawa's taste). Kenma was okay with that.

Daishou was around often, because of Kuroo. Kenma didn't warm up to him as quickly, but seemed to hold him in esteem when he managed to beat Kenma at Dark Souls II in PvP... or something. Admittedly, Kuroo was a fan of indie games and rarely dabbled in larger titles. Kenma was glad to have a worthy rival.

And now this...Hinata Shouyou. Kenma was texting him all the time. They hung out frequently. At home, Kenma often talked about him. A lot.

Kuroo felt that ugly feeling struggle against his restraints.

He sighed, and remembered how damn happy Kenma was. Ever since Bokuto insisted that the smaller man join them at the gym. Ever since Oikawa came over, subtly giving Kenma advice in that way only Oikawa could without Kenma noticing. Ever since Daishou started stopping by on Sundays and it became 'Game Night', while Mika and Kuroo ran over the meal plans for the wedding.

What matters most?

Kenma's smile.

The ugly feeling died down a little bit.


	14. 14

Since Kuroo worked afternoons and evenings, he made it a routine to accompany Kenma to work in the morning. That morning they encountered a familiar face outside the building. 

"Hello, Kana." Kuroo greeted, trying to hide his discomfort with a broad grin. 

"Kuroo. Kenma, good timing. I needed to deliver something Mika left at my house." Kana smiled back, remembering how their last conversation was a month ago. They used to hang out every week. It was a 'our best friends are dating so third wheelers unite' kind of thing but also a 'I'm not sure if we are going to start dating' kind of thing. 

"I'll take it up." Kenma said, his expression giving no signs that he could read the atmosphere, but Kuroo knew he could. Kana's eyes flickered between him and Kenma. 

Kuroo wondered what Mika told her.

"Oh, that would be great, thanks." Kana noted the grey scarf around Kenma's neck that was too long to be his. Her expression was complicated. "Well, I guess I'll be going. Kuroo, I wish you all the happiness in the world."

"Likewise." Kuroo replied genuinely meaning it. He wasn't sure what he and Kana used to be, but he knew the direction she was hoping to take it. For a while, Kuroo might have liked that. Kana was smart, pretty, outspoken, and had the same shitty sense of humor. He noted how her head would've fit snuggly against his chest, and her small hands in his. She had long flowing hair, a curving figure and smelled pleasantly like flowers. They would've made a pretty picture, standing side by side, but Kuroo wouldn't change anything now, maybe a couple months ago, but not now. He hesitated, adding, "For what it is worth, I'm sorry."

Kana shook her head. "Don't apologise."

Even so, Kuroo found himself feeling like an asshole as he stared at her retreating figure. It wasn't that he owed her a date, but he did owe it to her not to have led her on like that. Kenma took a step closer, and Kuroo's attention shifted. "Kuroo, I'll be going now."

"Y-yeah." Kuroo exhaled, not realising that he had been holding his breath, his chest easing and his face melting easily into a smile. "Have a good day."

Later that evening, Kenma asked, "Is Kana your ex?"

"No." Kuroo frowned. He didn't do dating. "If things had worked out differently, she may have been...something like that."

Kenma studied him with bright eyes that revealed nothing and reflected everything. Kuroo saw himself, sitting there looking like a guilty convict. "Do you wish she was? Your girlfriend."

"No."

"Did you date many girls?"

"Not really. All one night things, never serious." Kuroo paused. "And not always girls. I don't do that anymore though. One night flings, I mean."

Kenma stared at his now empty plate. "I see."


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five more left?!
> 
> I can't believe I kept to this rediculous schedule, the next works in this series (I'm planning four in total?) will be written in a more manageable timeframe.
> 
> But I do love Kuroken (*aggressively shipping*).

Kenma was strong.

Sometimes Kenma wouldn't go to work and just float by Kuroo's side around the restaurant, or just stay at home, in bed. Kenma said that fear could hurt worse than being stabbed, so everytime Kenma got like that, Kuroo did his best to be there.

He got good at recognising when Kenma was uncomfortable. Eyes darting, never resting on anything for too long not looking him in the eye. His hands would be cold and clammy, and Kenma had a way of making himself small, closing in on himself. 

Kuroo did his best to be there.

"Sorry." Kenma's lower lip trembled. It was the first word he said in twenty minutes. His pupils were constricted. He was shaking like a leaf.

"Don't apologise." Kuroo whispered, rubbing his thumb across Kenma's knuckles. His hands were cold and clammy, eyes not meeting his. Kuroo knelt, pressing his forhead to Kenma's. "It isn't your fault."

Kuroo did his best to be there because he was fucking useless otherwise. He could do jack shit to understand the way Kenma felt, how he couldn't breathe sometimes and heard ringing and alarms other times or felt dizzy or anything. Kuroo couldn't do anything.

"Kuroo, I..." Kenma hesitated. "Thank you. You can...I know...um...you're busy, I shouldn't..."

"I'll always be here for you. Always. I won't leave you alone." Kuroo said fiercely. "If only you want me to stay."

Kenma had a conflicted expression on his face as he studied Kuroo, like he didn't believe him. His eyes darted from Kuroo's bobbing Adam's apple, to firmly drawn lips and furrowed brows before finally meeting his eyes.

"I do want you to stay."

And so Kuroo did.


	16. 16

"Wait, I don't get it." Daishou said, leaning back in his chair. "So does he like you?"

"Sweetie," Mika said with the patience of a saint, "that is what Kuroo came to ask us."

"Do we need wine?" Oikawa shot a meaningful look from Kuroo to Mika like, 'How the hell did Daishou score so far out of his league?'. Daishou and Oikawa get along swimmingly, but then again, he was under the impression that they were both flat drunk whenever they hung out without Kutoo. Really, budding alcoholism was something Kuroo made a note to bring up to Mika.

"No, no more wine. I vow only to drink that which is worthy of my palet." Kuroo replied with a shrug. It was more that he couldn't bear to see Kenma's reaction if he found Kuroo wasted again.

"Okay, so you have an entire notebook on what he likes to eat." Daishou scowled. "That is so cute it is disgusting."

"Hey, Mr Pot, quit calling the kettle black!" Oikawa retorted, shooting a winning smile at Kuroo. "Unlike Su-chan here, I for one am invested in this relationship."

Daishou shot a murderous look at Oikawa and then glared at Kuroo like, 'did this fucking pretty boy just call me Su-chan also can I drop-kick him?'. Mika cleared her throat. She shot Kuroo a meaningful look, something like 'Hurt Kenma and I will end you'. "Both of you, stop being rediculous. Kuroo, I think Kenma really cares about you. It took me three years to get him to open up to me."

"Okay, but the issue is, I don't know if he is into guys, let alone into me. Also, he is too cute and I just want to squeeze him to death but not really because that would be terrible. Also have you SEEN my face when I am around him? I haven't until Oikawa took a picture and IT LOOKS LIKE I AM MELTING. THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. Oh my fucking god I bet he thinks I am weird." Kuroo's eyes widened with alarm. "AM I WEIRD?"

"Yes." Daishou and Oikawa responded simultaneously. They seemed repulsed by their sychronicity, but right now Kuroo had bigger problems.

Mika giggled. "Well it seems like you obviously like him."

Kuroo pursed his lips. "It isn't just that...he's like a stray cat that I feel like need to protect or something."

Now it was Oikawa and Daishou who were sharing telepathic conversation. Oikawa spoke first out of some sort of silent agreement. He had a sly smile on his face. "I think YOU do think he is a kitten...though not the kind you are thinking of." 

Kuroo's face had the nerve to betray him and actually turn RED. HE. WAS. BLUSHING. "Don't you DARE think of Kenma like that. Don't blemish his perfection with your vulgar implications."

Even Mika rolled her eyes.

Daishou leaned forwards, the snake-like predatory smile all too familiar. "Oh, WE don't...tell me, what do you think of when you...have a solo party?"

"Suguru!" Mika slapped Daishou, turning red. "TMI, you dorks have fun, I'll be in the other room, Kuroo, next time talk to me if you want real advice."

Daishou merely blew a kiss at her retreating figure with a sappy expression before fixing his attention back on Kuroo. "Well? We're in a safe space now..."

Oikawa joined in. "You've practically been a monk for the past three months, I bet you have done it. I bet you think of Ken-chan."

"Shut up!"

Oikawa laughed, evidently with no plans to shut up. "Fine, fine. Let's try this. Close you eyes and imagine your high school graduation." Kuroo did so, letting Oikawa's lilting voice flood into his mind. "Now, say the first thing that pops into your head when I say these words. Ready?"

Kuroo nodded. "Sure."

"Sport."

"Volleyball." Kuroo winced, sensing  
Oikawa's discomfort.

"Food."

"Apple pie."

"Colour."

"Gold."

"Best friend."

"Mika." Kuroo's lips curled into a smirk and he could feel Daishou and Oikawa frown while Mika hooted from the other room.

"Animal."

"Cat."

"Masturbation."

Kuroo opened his eyes, seeing knowing smirks on his friends' faces. He wanted to hit them both. He was supposed to be the bridge bringing them together, but not so they could both make fun of him. He cleared his throat. "I..."

Oikawa beamed triumphantly. He had a way of being almost psychic when it came to these types of things, which Kuroo didn't like. But Oikawa had an uncanny knack for knowing exactly what everyone liked or didn't. "So there is the answer to Su-chan's question. Tell me, what did you imagine?"

THIS was the embarrassing part. "Nothing. Just...him." Kuroo said lamely. This was rediculous, him, Kuroo Tetsuroo, of all people, getting embarrassed about sex. It was true though. Just thinking about Kenma's eyes fixed on him, his small, pink mouth slightly parted, a stray strand of hair brushing the bridge of his nose, his thin, slender fingers, and his soft, even voice...Kuroo felt his face flushing, and willed himself to think of anything else. Work. Wine. The two shitheads sitting across from him. 

That last one did the trick.

"Oh." Daishou examined his face with what was probably pity. "Dude, you really have it bad."

"Like I want to hear that from you." Kuroo growled.

"Yeah, the difference is Su-chan here is engaged. You, are pining after a shy programmer who took a month to actually hang out with you."

"Hey!" Kuroo exclaimed. "Kenma-"

"Now, now. We aren't trying to insult Kenma. We love him. It's just that you worship him like I worship my lovely fiancée, but in my case she really is perfect." Daishou explained patiently. "In other words you're..."

"Completely, utterly..." Oikawa agreed.

"Screwed. I'm going to die." Kuroo moaned, cursing himself.

Oikawa shrugged. "I was going to say in love, but hey, synonyms."

Daishou paused from laughing. "Wait, we already knew that Kuroo was completely whipped, what about Kenma?"

Kuroo forced himself to laugh, but stared down at his hands, feeling the cold claws of fear tearing open his gut. Love. He supressed the bubbling anxiey that came with that word. Love. Was this what it was?

"Does Kenma know?" Daishou asked. Oikawa had gone home, and Mika was asleep. It was just them now, and Kuroo could feel the weariness seep in.

"It isn't that bad anymore." Kuroo shrugged. "I sometimes have nightmares, or can't sleep, but it isn't like..."

Like those years, when he almost dropped out of highschool, like when he moved out and studied abroad for years before finally being okay enough to come back. 

Daishou sighed. "Okay, I get it. I didn't want to bring it up, but...I don't know. You've never been so serious about anyone before. I thought-"

"That I was avoiding getting involved with people because of what happened, right?" Kuroo smiled ruefully. "Yeah, that is probably what it is."

"So what changed?" Daishou's gaze was sharp, ready to catch any signs that his childhood friend was lying to him. 

Kuroo shrugged. "Kenma Kozume, I guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will cover/imply darker issues in a non-graphic manner (sexual assault, self harm). If you aren't comfortable with that, then please skip to chapter 18.


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Implied sexual assault and self harm.
> 
> It was a really difficult chapter for me to write, so I did have to write a bit of it yesterday, but it does get better. I promise.
> 
> Your regularly scheduled fluff will return tomorrow.

"Please, tell me what's wrong." Kenma's beautiful eyes were cloudy with concern, after Kuroo woke up screaming until his voice died and his palms bled from clenching them so hard. 

And so he did.

Kuroo has never been in love. The very idea of love made him puzzled. His mom had 'lovers' and his dad had 'lovers', but that 'love' never lasted. It was a one night, two weeks, when one or the other was out of town sort of deal. 

("One or the other was always away. Sometimes both. Usually both.")

They tried to cover up the situation when he was younger, but Kuroo grew up with it, and halfway through high school they stopped trying to hide it. They stayed married, and the big empty house became a place where 'love' was easily discarded, and the 'lovers' came and went. To him, love was something that only caused his parents to cry and drink, and leave. Always leaving.

("They never quite knew how to deal with me. So they didn't.")

Later in life he understood why. There was mutual respect there, but not love. The women he thought were there for his father were in actuality for his mother. And vice versa. 

("I never asked them to stay, so they never did.")

He couldn't imagine love being so easily discarded, and he couldn't bear the thought of Kenma leaving and someone else replacing him.

But the nightmares were caused by something else.

("Sometimes their 'guests' would do bad things. Take my mom's jewellery and my dad's money. All people they thought that they loved. When I was twelve...there was one of who had stayed, because something had caught his eye. Me. It was the maid who had finally realised that I was missing after the school phoned home. That was two days later. I was locked in the basement, by him. With him. For two days.")

They had always been well off, so when Kuroo asked to attend a boarding school, his parents agreed to let him move out. He was thirteen. At that point, he could barely recall seeing either of them more than once a week. He never looked back, because he couldn't.

Kenma went home for the weekend. Before he left, he had stared at Kuroo in that unreadable way he sometimes did. In a soft voice, he had said, "Call them. I am leaving now, but I will be back."

And for some reason, that was enough. Just a small push, with the reassurance that Kenma would be here. He picked up his phone and dialed a number he hadn't in forever, his fingers feeling clumsy and too big for the keys.

She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey ma. There is something I need to tell you and pops." Kuroo said, calling them for the first time in a very long time. "Do you...have his number? I want us to meet. In person."

"Tetsuroo." He had been practicing the turns of phrase he would use and the expression he would make, but it all went down the drain when he saw them standing there, side by side. Something they hadn't done in over fifteen years. Kuroo swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Mom. Dad." His voice cracked, and he stood to greet them. He stared at them, feeling an odd urge to break down then and there. "I...well, I...."

"Tetsuroo." His mom's eyes shone, a glassy film of tears clouding her vision. It occurred to Kuroo that the last time they had seen each other, he was still shorter than her. 

"There is a lot we need to catch up on." His dad said gruffly, and Kuroo wondered if he was always this frail, with so many gray hairs.

"Yes," Kuroo agreed. "I don't know where to begin..."

+

Kuroo stared at the man through a barrier of glass. He looked different, from the shadowy figure with a thousand bloodshot eyes and yellow rotting fangs, and arms and claws and a raspy voice that drove terror into his heart. The orange jumpsuit made him look pasty, and green. Like a corpse. He wasn't aware of Kenma, standing as rigid as a plank in the waiting area, or the guards that sat attentively on either side. He had refused to sit down, and staring at Kuroo through the small glass window. 

Kenma was there. The rest of his friends and family were just a phone call away, but Kenma was there.

"Do you know who I am?" Kuroo asked. His own voice sounded distant, and foreign, like it wasn't his own. He wasn't there, facing this man. He was eating dinner with Kenma, while Daishou was laughing with Oikawa about something stupid and Mika and Kana rolling their eyes at how rediculous everyone was while going over whether the colour scheme should be lavender and pink or pale blue and pastel yellow. Kuroo was there, not in his nightmares, and not in this police station.

He wasn't here, and Kenma was there to remind him of that. He would never have to be here again.

"Yes." Came the simple answer. The man sounded nothing like the monster, but somehow that made it worse. These people weren't monsters, but people, and that was so much worse. Kuroo couldn't quite see the man's face clearly. Every time he tried to focus, it seemed to contort and almost pixelate, like the few articles and that one single report on late night news, all those years ago. 

"I won't say that I didn't wish for you to die. I won't say that in the beginning, I wished to die." Kuroo stated simply. "I won't tell you I forgive you, or expect you to care, and I won't ask you why you did what you did. I won't ask you to explain why you didn't stop when I begged you to, or why in hell I even needed to."

"Then why are you here?"

Kuroo shrugged. "I needed to see."

This was the man he had feared all his life. Who had taken a conflicted young boy and utterly destroyed him. Counselling and medications hadn't helped. His parents, who were finally there for him, hadn't helped. There were nights when he barely slept, and watched his own blood trickling down his arms, and wondered if he should make the next cut deeper.

He looked back at Kenma. Kuroo was glad that he never did. 

"What you did to me made my life hell. But, I'm out now." Kuroo almost smiled. Almost.

He got up, and walked away, towards Kenma and away from his nightmares, but mostly towards Kenma. 

When they were outside, his knees gave out beneath him, and Kuroo curled over, throwing up in the bushes.

"Kuroo," Kenma's voice was like warm black tea, as he handed him a wad of toilet paper from the police station bathroom. "Let's go."

Kuroo nodded, smiling weakly despite himself. He felt like shit and looked like shit, but he knew that Kenma only saw him, and his heart swelled three sizes. "Yeah."

"Your parents are coming over for dinner right? We have to tidy up the living room, Oikawa and Daishou left a huge mess." Kenma wrinkled his nose. "And a pile of terrible movies."

"Yeah."

He would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Kuroo's parents, there is a situation called lavender marriages, where the partners in question aren't of the same sexual orientation/aren't attracted to each other. I suggest looking it up for more information.  
> Homophobia is still common in many places, including Japan.


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS it is almost done!!!

Kuroo didn't remember ever being so terrified of rejection in his life, but with the shackles of his past finally released, he felt like he could fly. He knelt before God the goldfish, who was miraculously still alive. He watched it swim around aimlessly in circles, but never stopping. He watched God the goldfish live, in the only way it knew how, and Kuroo knew that he had to do the same.

He thought about all those men and women from his childhood. The smiles and kisses and gifts exchanged between his parents and their lovers that always eventually faded away. He thought about the nice ones who played with and helped him with his schoolwork, but would always leave eventually. He thought about the ones who left shouting and screaming, and the one who left in the back of a police car. They always left, and his parents would always be left to pick up the pieces. Kuroo knew they did their best to hide that part of their lives from him, but kids can understand a whole lot.

But he also knew why they were able to continue on, even if it was just in circles.

"You know, I was betting on you dying." Kuroo muttered, lightly sprinkling some flakes into the bowl. "But I guess Kenma takes good care of you, huh?"

"Kuroo, why are you talking to God?" Kenma stared at him with a blank look.

"We had some unfinished business." Kuroo chuckled, gesturing for Kenma to join him. "You think we should get a cat? We can name it Satan."

"Kuroo, I don't like how you keep wanting to kill my fish." Kenma's blank stare became a dry smile. "The company let us take home some advanced copies of the game. You want to play?"

"Of course!" Kuroo lept up, practically dragging the smaller man into the living room. "Oh man, just imagine Daishou's face when he hears about this!"

Kenma rolled his eyes. "Kuroo, Mika has a copy too."

"Right. Dang it." Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kenma, resting his head on the shorter man's head. He hummed happily, enjoying the warmth, exhaling contently. "Thank you. You're the best, Kenma."

"No, I-Kuroo, you're heavy." Kenma grunted, but made no move to pull himself free. He attempted to shuffled forward, carrying Kuroo like a backpack. After a moment, he gave up. Kenma twisted around so that he was face to face with Kuroo, a thoughtful look in his eyes. "I do want a cat though. I just don't want him to kill God."

Kuroo laughed delightedly. "Satan won't! We'll buy God a fancy aquarium thing! With one of those sealed lids and everything!"

"Can't we name it something else?" Kenma asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Lucifer? Devil? Prince of Darkness? Hades? Old Nick? Mr. Scratch?"

Kenma did his face scrunchy thing and Kuroo melted. "Mr. Scratch?"

"From Middle English, or Old Norse, depending on how far back you want to go." Kuroo beamed, proud of his research into alternative names for the Devil, because what else would he do with a nice Friday evening?

"Let's just name it Fish." Kenma decided, and Kuroo made them both fall over when he lost balance, laughing like an idiot. "We'll adopt it tomorrow and spoil it to death."

"You are the best." Kuroo repeated in between gasps, and this time Kenma actually looked quite pleased with himself.

Kuroo wondered if he could ever love anyone as much as he did Kenma, and decided that it was a stupid thing to ask himself, shut up Kuroo and just look at the way he smiles, there will never be anything more beautiful.

+

Keep moving forward, even if it is in a circle.

"I'm going to tell him, no one stop me."

"Good." Oikawa said, sincerely. This was quite frightening, for anyone who hasn't met a sincere Oikawa Tooru before. And honestly, not many have. "It'll be good for you, and Ken-chan."

There was a questioning glance from Daishou, his childhood friend's eyes narrowed into snake-like slits. Both him and Oikawa knew that Kuroo wasn't a relationship kind of guy, but only Daishou Suguru knew why. "Are you..."

In the face of their concern, Kuroo felt himself calming down. His voice was full of conviction when he spoke, eyes steadily fixed on the future. "I am. I am in love with Kenma Kozume, and fuck it all, I will tell him."

Keep moving forward, even if it was in a circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's aesthetic is Kenma. His sense of humor is also Kenma. His type is, surprisingly, Kenma. 
> 
> Kuroo has a problem.
> 
> In the next chapter they get a cat.
> 
> And other stuff happens.


	19. 19

Walking in to the shelter, Kenma looked like a kid in a candy shop. He tugged on Kuroo's sleeve (fucking adorable) and opened and closed his mouth without a sound. Kuroo lightly squeezed his shoulder. "I know."

Kenma wandered off among the rows of cages, and Kuroo simply watched him because he could watch Kenma forever and still feel all warm and fuzzy because this man was a gift from heaven and Kuroo was blessed to simply be granted his presence.

Or something. It occurred to Kuroo that his love for Kenma may be borderline religious, but he pushed it aside because Kenma was just so dang amazing.

Kenma and the attendant had been standing in front of one cage for a while, and when they brought it down and set it in the fenced off area, Kuroo's eyes widened. The cat had almost no hair, a with a wrinkled and thin grey-blue body. It had slanted yellow-green eyes narrowed cautiously at them, and comically large pink ears. It's front left leg was missing as well as a good chunk of it's right ear. It looked like a cross between an overgrown wingless bat and a naked mole rat.

"Oh my god." Kuroo whispered in awe. He stared down at the cat and felt his heart burst. "I love her."

Kenma was smiling as the cat nuzzled against his stomach, purring so loud it was almost scary (but super adorably scary). Kuroo was almost jealous of how blissful he looked. "She's ours now."

The shelter employee stared at them, as if he couldn't believe they were being serious. "Riko has been with us very long now...she hasn't warmed up to anyone so fast!"

Kenma's eyes were sparkling and he stared up at the employee. "Her name is Fish."

"Um, what?"

"Sorry." Kuroo shot him a winning smile, standing up. "I believe there are some forms I need to fill out before adoption?"

"Right!" The attendant wrinkled his nose. "But, ah, you sure about this one?"

Kenma frowned, hugging Fish/Riko close to his chest and nodded vigorously. Fish/Riko seemed to feel the attendant's unfavorable attitude and turned around to hiss. Kuroo laughed. He liked this one. "Yeah. We are sure, right?"

Kenma's eyes widened, but his expression quickly turned into a warm smile. "Yeah."

+

Kenma was frowning the whole way home, even with an apple pie in tow. "I wanted to take Fish home TODAY."

Kuroo nodded, eyes trying to soak in every inch of Kenma, not wanting to miss a single beat. He bit his lip, wondering if he should chicken out. His phone buzzed.

[Oikawa: Don't chicken out.]

Okay, so Kuroo had to look at the facts. Oikawa was a psychic, and it would be a really bad idea to hold it in any longer.

"Hey, Kozume?" His heart leapt out of his throat as he reached for Kenma's hand, but decided against it.

"Yeah?"

"Did we decide on where Fish would sleep?" Kuroo said. He was sweating buckets, and hoped Kenma wouldn't notice. Panic flooded into him when he realised that Kenma might say no. They had adopted a cat named Fish and had a fish named God and fuck, would they have to have a custody battle over God and Fish? How would that work? What would Kuroo do if Kenma said no?

"Well, the living room, probably." Kenma mused. "I'd like to have her in my room, but God is there." Kenma chuckled quietly, and Kuroo forced himself to do the same.

"We could move God to my room."

What was he afraid to lose?

"Yours doesn't have a lock."

Kuroo forgot how to function for a moment. Kenma. Blink. Inhale. Kenma. Left foot forward. Right foot forward. Exhale. Blink. Kenma. Kenma. 

"Then we can trade rooms."

"Too much work." Kenma sighed, and Kuroo was hit with another wave of 'I love him so much I want to die'.

He could lose Kenma, and suddenly Kuroo wouldn't mind if he never confessed and had to be there and watch Kenma get married and have kids and grow old with someone who wasn't him because he couldn't imagine living in a world where Kenma wasn't there. 

"Oh, Fish will sleep where she likes. We'll just make sure she can't get to God."

"Yeah, you're right." When Kenma smiled at him, Kuroo wanted to cry. What if he said yes? Kenma wouldn't leave him, surely he wouldn't Even if he did, Kuroo felt like Kenma could gut him and leave him to die and he wouldn't complain. Anything Kenma wanted, anything he did, Kuroo would accept because it was Kenma, and Kuroo was a lovesick fool.

"Hey, Kozume?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm in love with you." Kuroo blurted. The world seemed to spin, and he couldn't see clearly. There was a loud ringing in his ears.

"Oh." Kenma stopped walking. They were right outside the apartment building now.

"Kenma, I love you so damn much it scares me. It is okay if you don't, and if it disgusts you, just." Kuroo took a deep breath. "If...if you want me to stop, we can pretend like I didn't say anything. I...I won't bring it up again."

Kenma's eyes were glowing with the last rays of the dying sun. Kuroo didn't need to hear Kenma's reply. It was more than enough to feel Kenma's cold, shivering hand find its way into his. But Kenma speaks anyways, after a few moments of pure heaven, just holding hands as they entered the building, and it was as if time didn't exist. Just him, Kenma, and their hands tightly locked together. 

"Is this okay? If..." Kenma hesitated, gesturing down at their hands. "Can I really...this is okay?"

Kuroo nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak without bursting into tears. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't. Kenma ran a thumb across his cheek, and Kuroo realised that it was too late, he had already started crying. Streams of hot, salty tears trickled down his cheek, and Kenma gently wiped them all away. He stood on the balls of his feet, craning his neck to place a soft kiss on Kuroo's lips.

"Is this okay too?" Kenma whispered, looking like he was expecting to be pushed away, still suspended in disbelief.

"More than okay. So much more than okay." Kuroo croaked. 

"What about this?" When Kenma pulled him down by his shirt collar, Kuroo felt his heart explode. Their lips met, with more urgency than the gentle kiss from earlier, and Kuroo purred against Kenma's mouth. He grabbed the back of Kenma's head in an attempt to keep this moment from ending, the other hand on his waist, pulling them close so that nothing, absolutely nothing was keeping them apart, relishing the feeling of Kenma finally in his arms and wondering if anything had felt so right, so perfect. Kuroo was aware of everything, the way Kenma's hair felt like silk beneath his fingers and his slender waist, muscles flexing against Kuroo's body, small shuddering breaths escaping Kenma. Kuroo sighed, content, but naturally Kenma found another way of making him lose all composure. When one shaking, slender hand reached down to pull at Kuroo's belt, he pulled away from the kiss sharply.

"Hey, Kozume, that's-" Kuroo forgot his own name, and also how to stand properly.

"Is...is that okay?' Kenma stared at him, pupils dilated, cheels flushed, his soft pink lips swollen. Kuroo never got so hard so fast, and he supressed a growl by biting down on his lip until he could taste blood. He gulped, fumbling for his keys, and tried to focus on anything that may ground his common sense (they were still in the hallway where anyone could see,for fuck's sake). "Is it, Kuroo?"

"Oh my god, of course, wait-" Kuroo begged, trying his best not to lose his mind because how the hell was Kenma so fucking hot and where the hell were his keys and how do locks work again because at this rate he wasn't going to last another minute, and neither would his jeans.

"I love you too, Tetsuroo."

"In. Now." When he finally got the door open, Kenma yelped as Kuroo roughly pushed him in, slamming the door behind them, the last of his common sense evaporating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their cat is a Ukrainian levkoy. Get it? I'm very proud of myself. As much as I wish I could say that this chapter being released on Valentine's day was a thing i had planned, it is just a happy coincidence ^^.
> 
> Kuroo is weak, don't break him Kenma *evil laughter*.


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one.

"You've been smiling like the Joker for the past week. Stop that." Oikawa threw a cat treat at Kuroo's head. Kuroo responded by chucking one back, harder. 

"You're just grouchy because you are the only single one here." Kuroo shot back, still grinning.

It wasn't a dream.

"I bet he finally got laid." Kana leaned back against her boyfriend, winking cheekily at Kenma, who chose to pretend none of them existed and continue typing away on his laptop. Although the new guy (Kuroo forgot his name again) looked kind of uncomfortable, Kuroo was glad he was there. Kana looked happy, and they had gone back to being good friends. 

Kuroo kissed Kenma on the cheek, and was delighted when his cheeks grew a few shades pinker. Oikawa made a gagging sound, and Daishou rolled his eyes, but they didn't matter. Mika hit Kuroo in the head with a bridal magazine. "Hey, don't distract him, that is a fairly important resumé he's working on."

"I don't mind." Kenma murmured, and this time even Mika wrinkled her nose.

"It was cute for the first two days. Now I want them to stop." Oikawa sighed, petting Fish, who had designated Oikawa to be her new favourite person. Go figure. 

"I still can't get over how ugly that cat is." Daishou snorted.

"I think Fish kind of looks like you." Kana countered. Daishou shot her a dirty glare. Kana, bless her soul, grinned and winked at him.

"Hey, that isn't very nice." Mika chided. Daishou grinned triumphantly, and it occurred to Kuroo that the two were vying for Mika's favour.

"She's right. Apologise to Fish." Kenma said in that adorably monotone way he did, which prompted both Kuroo and Kana collapsed into a fit of giggles. Daishou glared at them resentfully. 

"I like this one." Oikawa nodded approvingly, smiling down at Fish. "Keep this one, you hear? Ken-chan is a blessing from God."

Kuroo and Kenma both chuckled quietly.

Fish seemed to purr in agreement, and Kuroo felt so goddamn happy it was almost unreal. "Daishou, thanks for finally finding the courage to ask Mika to marry you. It was the best thing you have ever done."

"Didn't I throw up on your favourite shoes?"

Kuroo squeezed Kenma's hand affectionately. "Yeah, but I would let you do it a million times if it meant being able to meet Kozume."

"Gross." Oikawa muttered. Kana elbowed him in the gut.

"Does this mean I get a free pass if I vomit on you before the wedding ceremony?"

"Not unless you want me to wear Oikawa's neon purple and orange leopard print kimono with the red and blue hakama." Kuroo snorted, and Kenma made that displeased scrunchy face of his.

God, he was so cute.

"Hey, you are NOT borrowing my clothes." Oikawa whined. "Kenma, you like my style, right?"

Kenma did not bother to dignify with a response, and instead made his scrunchy-face again.

The conversation continued (though it mainly became a one-sided attack on Oikawa's dubious personal fashion sense) and Kenma finally shut his laptop, turning to face Kuroo. It wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking. Just three months earlier, everything had been completely different. 

"It is all thanks to you, Tetsuroo." Kenma whispered into Kuroo's ear so that none of their friends could overhear. "Thank you. For staying."

Kuroo never used to be such a crybaby, but around Kenma it seemed that all his emotions were amplified. He kissed Kenma right on the lips, and still couldn't quite believe that it was something he was allowed to do. "No. Thank you."

It was almost surreal, to be with his boyfriend (Kuroo's brain exploded every time he tried to think about it.) laughing with his friends, and with plans to meet for lunch with his parents later that week. Kuroo closed his eyes, and silently sent a message to his younger self.

"It will get better. I promise."

Then, he opened his eyes to kiss Kenma again, smiling as he did so, because everything was finally falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY WOW. DEEP BREATH.
> 
> Thank you for reading this. Really, you've all been too kind. 
> 
> The series is far from over though. The next part will be released some time at the end of this month, but I will definitely not be updating daily, because MAN THIS WAS SO HARD!
> 
>  
> 
> ^^


End file.
